The age old question women ask themselves. WHY WON’T HE COMMMIT? Contrary the belief of most women.. Men aren’t afraid of commitment.. There afraid of what there committing to. It is common that once women get to a certain age.. They are ready to settle down & start their “family lives”. It seems as if men seem to not be as ready. People say that women naturally mature faster than men. I wouldn’t say that’s 100% accurate. But I will say that because women are naturally designed to be nurturing.. They look for that faster in their life than men do.
Women often ask women.. “girl what am I doing wrong” “what’s working for you”.. and that’s helps.. but can also cause a problem. Women have a tendency to look at other relationships & compare theirs to others... Men however, don’t like that. There are 3 key things you need to look at as a woman to find out why a guy won’t commit to you.
1.) Yourself
2.) The guy your dealing with
3.) The situation
So well start with yourself.. The lady, the woman in the situation. Sometimes you have to do a true self assessment. Ask yourself; are you ready for a commitment? Are you secure enough in yourself as a person to be a well rounded mate? Are you the mate for this person? Honestly, why do you want to be with this person? A lot of women make the mistake of trapping themselves with a guy because of children, how long they’ve been with them, their comfortable; they don’t want to start over. Soooo many reasons.. All these things point to insecurity, Which breed disaster for any relationship. If you’re constantly asking the person you’re with questions about commitment… HE WILL NOT SETTLE DOWN WITH YOU. Men aren’t designed that way.. We will naturally rebel. You should ask your mate what things they like about & also what areas you can improve on. A man wont deal with a woman too long that wont accept leadership. A strong woman knows that in order to be a leader in her relationship she has to walk beside her man.. Not behind him nagging, not in front of him scolding.. but beside him. You look at the person your dealing with & you believe that he’ the right one for you.. have you readied yourself to be the right 1 for him. How do you resolve conflict with your mate? Do you run to friends.. do you address it right away, do you only speak on the problem & not the solution. These are all red flags for Men. You play just as much of a role in your man wanting to be with you as he does with his desire.
The guy. The other half of the equation. What kind of guy are you dealing with. There are 2 types of MALES(Boys & Men) & 2 types of MEN.. if you r dealing with a boy.. then you have your answer. But there are 2 types of men.. Men that need a woman to take care of him & Men who need a woman who wants to take care of him. Based on which type of guy youre dealing with will determine why which particular guy wont commit. The guy who needs a woman to take care of him is simply put. He needs a Wother(woman/mother). He’s fine with his partner controlling certain aspects of his life. He needs a woman to build him up. Not saying he’s not a good catch.. he’s just used to being taken care of. Hes the guy whos woman handles everything on the business side of the relationship. Now depending on what type of wman you are.. this guy works for you. He will go to work, bring you his money & take care of home. Honestly this guy isn’t that desirable... but he often is in relationships more than the other male type. Type 2... The guy who needs a woman who wants to take care of him. Like it or not ladies men are all babies. Were spoiled (kanye shrug). . We want a woman who nurtures us. But this male type doesn’t need you in the same facet. He wants t know that you are his partner & that your focus is aligned with his. He’s confident, secure in whom he is & knows what he wants. He’s the guy who will take charge in his strong areas & allow you to lead in your strong areas. He’s about the partnership. This male type is no nonsense & won’t commit to you if you aren’t secure in yourself. His male needs you to be his cheerleader, his groupie, his fan, his support system. Etc... He needs you for emotional support... Not to be his mother. This guy is normally the most desirable & because of that... he doesn’t settle quickly because he has to know his partner. Yes all men have issues like women do. You have to know what type of guy your dealing with, how you align with him a find out the disconnect. If you’re a passive woman dealing with a passive male... not gonna work... he needs you to take care of him & you want him to take charge... get my drift...
Lastly... The SITUATION... that means when you step back & look at it. Does the relationship make sense to BOTH parties? Ladies... just because you think it does. Doesn’t mean you’re on the same page. Ladies... if a man shows you who he is believe him... & leave him... But if you decide to stay, you accept that behavior. If your guy has some things but their workable... don’t jump ship so quickly. People always talk about communication, trust & all that... Those things have to be a given before you get this point. But if being with this person doesn’t make since, financially, socially, and emotionally& you’re just working to hard... then that’s not it... You work hard in relationships... not for them... If you can the around this person naturally... then its not gonna work long term. If you guys don’t build each other... then it’s not the move. At the end of the day... if you’re asking a man to commit to a headache. You’re headed for heartache.
In conclusion. Relationships are a business... It’s not about why he won’t commit... its more about why she won’t commit... look into you 1 st for answers. Don’t go to anyone who has less experience than you. You want a working relationship... surround yourself with working relationships. See how they operate. Asses your but don’t try to immolate. Find out if this is the guy for you... That’s important. Ladies... learn to lay your cards out. Let a guy know where you are... scare him as qucly as possible to find out how he will react. To see whether you have a Boy or a Man. After you’ve discovered that... Find out which type of Man he is. Lastly... don’t force anything... if he doesn’t want to be there... u can’t make him. & your just gonna be a miserable mess anyway... Be the strong woman that GOD created you to be & handle you. The reason you may not have found the one for you, is because you’re still building yourself to be the one for them.
i like this
ReplyDeleteI love this blog. Simply because I was having this same conversation the other day. Very well put. Do you mind if I borrow/re-post this. I have a few female friends whom need to see this badly. Maybe hearing it from a male point of view would be better, but then again you can't make a person listen/comprehend because they are always in denial about their life and their situation, and their men. I do however, think that this blog could go for a male and a female. I have these conversations more with my male friends more than females. This is because everybody is so built up on an image of what other people want them to be and they are not truly being who God called them to be. Simply stated as "Themselves". And as in any relationship you should always build yourself up first before trying to be with someone else anyway. If not you are only looking for disaster anyway.
ReplyDelete